Anger management tips to help you

Anger is a normal innate human emotion.  You were born with it.  It's one of several innate emotions such as:

• Love
• Joy
• Anger
• Sadness
• And fear

The reason anger is a problem is that it was never meant to be experienced all the time.

Its part of your fight and flight system, it's supposed to protect you from predators.  It's an automatic response to some perceived or imagined threat.  For most problems in modern life, anger represents overkill and under think.  It's too much emotion for most problems in modern life.

Solving a problem with anger is like turning off a light with a rock.  You can do it, but is uses much more strength then you need.

So why would anyone be stupid enought to turn off a light with a rock?  Anger has nothing to do with intelligence.  It has everything to do with hurt..  It's always a reaction to hurt.

Here are 8 Anger Management Tips for Overcoming Your Anger

Step1. 

"NO BLAME".  This first anger management tip is really important.  You have no power over what you don't own.  What's wrong with blame, especially blaming your emotions on someone else?  If you're upset, or feel bad and it's your partner's fault, what can you do about it?

Nothing... You're powerless.  The more you blame your emotional state on someone else, the more powerless you feel.  When you blame, you give away your power.  The road to psychological ruin begins with blame.

Step 2. 

Identify early warning signs is another anger management tip that will greatly assist you.  The sooner in the cycle you acknowledge you're angry, the easier it is to regulate.  Learn what anger feels like in your head, eyes, mouth, jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, back, stomach, and hands.  When you'e angry it affects every part of your body.

Step 3.

Identify the hurt under your anger.  Anger is a secondary emotion, which means you always feel something else before you get angry.  Virtually all the anger you experience that's not directly related to physical pain has one of these feelings under it:

• Feeling disregarded
• Unimportant
• Accused
• Devalued or disrespected
• Powerless
• And unlovable

The more aware of your internal experience, the more genuine power you feel.  When you're not aware of your internal experience you are motivated to attack others, attack yourself, withdraw, or avoid.

Step 4.

Focus on changing your behaviour, not attacking who you are as a person.  You are born perfect and then you learn behaviours to cope in a complex world.  Unfortunately some of these behaviours do not serve you well.  You can learn new behaviours that do serve you well.

Step 5.

Be self-compassionate.  This is an important anger management tip.  Self-compassion means seeing beneath your anger, anxiety, obsessions, depression, and your urge to drink.  Next step in self-compassion is to validate your true feelings under the anger, "at this moment I feel rejected."  Thirdly, change the meaning of the hurt, "yes I'm feeling rejected, but is it because I'm unacceptable, or could it be something else?

Step 6.

Reconnect with your true sense of value, your sense of okayness.  With self-compassion, you validate your hurt and change it.  Your whole thrust is to look within yourself to change the meaning of what's hurting you, not to punish someone else for stimulating that hurt.

Step 7.

Solve the problem...will you solve it better with anger and resentment or will you solve it better with compassion... which makes you feel better, anger and resentment or compassion?

Step 8.

Be assertive.  Many people with anger problems allow people to treat them badly until they can't stand it any more and over-react and behave abusively.  Assertive means you stand up for your rights.  Aggression means that you step on the rights of other people.  If you're self-compassionate, you'll automatically be assertive.

These anger management tips will help you to be in charge of your emotions instead of being controlled by them.

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