The Impact of Abuse

The month of May in Queensland is set aside to raise awareness of family abuse and domestic violence.  The impact this behaviour has on the abuser and loved ones experiencing the abuse and violence is considerable.

When we abuse or are violent towards the ones we love, no matter how justified we may feel at the time, we do not feel good about ourselves.  We are biologically programmed to protect the ones we love and when we fail to do that it generates strong feelings of guilt and shame in us.

This guilt and shame is more than likely going to be blamed onto the ones we love, which will motivate us to hurt them even more.

The Role of Compassion

It is important to understand the role of compassion and to use compassion as a way of regulating our vulnerable feelings before our hurts make us feel like either attacking or withdrawing from our loved ones.

Connecting with the compassionate part of ourselves (the part that does not want to abuse) means that we always act in our long-term best interest.  Unhealed hurts motivate us to hurt back, which is never in our long-term best interest. 

Compassion for others means that we understand other people's emotions; we are able to take their perspective and respect them even if we disagree with their ideas and actions, and we support our loved ones while they heal their own hurts.

Compassion also means that we do not tollerate abuse or violence.  No one deserves to be treated badly for any reason.  Hurting people back because they hurt us only makes any situation worse and motivates the other person to find some way to even the score.

Family Abuse Has Severe Impact on Childern

Family abuse has a severe impact on childern even if the are not the direct recipient of the abuse.  Witnessing abuse makes a child 10 more likely to become either an abuser or a victim of abuse.  As adults they are at increased risk of alcoholism, criminality, mental health problems and poverty.

In fact, family abuse, both physical and emotional, is statistically associated with every social problem we have; poverty, school dropouts, teen pregnancy, and homelessness.  It is related to all of them.  It is the biggest factor in violent crime.

Family Abuse Our Biggest Social Problem

That is why family abuse is our biggest social problem.  With that out of the way, all the other problems decrease.

We owe it to ourselves to take action to heal our hurts, to take the thorne from our hearts and overcome abusive behaviour.  None of us deserve to keep thorns in our heart one second longer than we need to.  We all deserve more than that.