Who is Denis Hay?

I am still learning about myself, so I am not sure.  What I do know is my history.

I was born on the 9th of October 1941 in Brisbane, Australia.  I lived initially at Redcliffe, then at Victoria Park in ex Army huts before moving to a Housing Commission house at Enoggera in about 1948, where I lived until I left home in 1967.

I started an apprenticeship as a Fitter with the Queensland Railways in 1956.  I throughly enjoyed my apprenticeship and gained many practical skills which served me well for many years.  I stayed with the Queensland Railways until 1966.

Wanting to develop my independence I then moved to New Zealand where I met my future wife Patricia, and we were married on the 22nd of February 1969 at St, Michael's Chruch, Remuera, Auckland.

This day was a wonderful day and I was so proud seeing Patricia walking down the aisle.  I had great dreams for our future together.  I was going to be an ideal husband, and a better parent to my children than my parents had been.  We were going to have an idyllic relationship, we would not make the same mistakes  that my parents or Patricia's parents had made, and we would live happily ever after.  What a beautiful dream.

Some of the dream came true.  We seemed to be blissfully happy to start with and our friends thought we were the ideal  couple.  We had three wonderful sons named Brian, Paul and Jason.  I am so proud of them now.  They are such great human beings.

Looking back now I can see that I was very insecure in those days.  Problems began to appear in our relationship around 1980, just before we decided to return to Australia to live.

Back in Australia, things went from bad to worse and the last few years of my relationship with Patricia would have to be the worst years of my life.  They were probably the worst years of Patricia's and my sons lives also.  Our relationship disintegration was a nightmare for everyone.  This is one of my major regrets in my life.  I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams how badly we behaved towards each other.  We hurt each other and our children.

Eventually, we separated in 1991.  This was the start of some serious personal growth for both me and my wife.  We each moved on to new relationships, and eventually divorced.  Out of the pain of this time my interest in counselling and anger regulation grew.